Musings of My Mind

I get writer's block oftend. To get my creative juices flowing I resort to going over to LJ Community: Unwritten, and beging useing their prompts. Here I will post those short stories I created from the prompts.

   What I expected him to do was jokingly push me away with a roll of his eyes and a slight, upwards tilt to his lips. So, when he continued to hold onto me, I turned just enough to see his face more clearly than before. His shoulder-length ginger hair created a curtain that made me feel as if we were the only two people in the room; it was as if my best friend wasn't sitting across the room in his chair taking his turn on the playstation.

   His face moved downward a tad, and I knew without a doubt what was coming next. I had dreampt about this moment; I wanted it more than my next breath.

   "Don't..." my whisper fell upon both our ears, making me close my eyes as his own blinked with unfocused confusion.

   His fingertips graze my left cheek, "What's wrong?"

   I let my eyes open without the shields I normally put in place; I let the pain seep into my gaze as I locked my eyes with his sage green ones, "I can't do this, not when I know that tomorrow hasn't changed; that you'll walk away the minutes it's over like it never happened," I let out a sight, "I can handle anything and everything you have bestowed upon me, but anything more would make the ending all that more painful."

   I turned my face away, feeling the fear of my words seep into my throat, "I'm not sure I will come out of this unscathed as it is. So, please, don't... just don't."

   I feel the couch shift beneath me as he maneuvers his body. I wish dearly that he'll let the conversation lie, that he won't force any more confessions from me tonight. I know that I wish in vain, and I know that I want him to keep prodding for information; his curiosity gives me hope that he cares.

   The hand resting beside my cheek lifts a bit to rest between my chin and neck; he uses a little pressure to turn my face so that we're now looking at one another.

   He's smiling. Why is he smiling? This is the part where he realizes that I'm still in love with him and he stammers out a half-assed apology about how he doesn't feel the same way; that he will try to step back so not to make it any harder than it already is for me. What I expected was for for him to let me go, add distance between us both physically and metaphorically. He should be coming up with some excuse as to why he needs to be getting home now.

   He leans forward, closing some distance. The hand beneath my chin sends sparks throughout my nerves, filling me with an awareness that I never knew I had. Suddenly I realized that he was going to continue with his previous plans, I realized that I wouldn't stop him.

   I didn't want to stop him.

   His hand moves lightly upwards, running his fingers through my hair pulling me closer to him. His breath warms my face, his lips hover closely over my own, "I'm not," his lips ghost over mine, "going anywhere."

   Before I can even begin to comprehend what he tries to convey with his words, before I can make sense of my thoughts, his lips seal over mine in a kiss that shocks me to the core. A nip to my lower lip knocks me from my shock and I kiss him back with all the pent up emotions I've garnered over the years.

(Note: Inspired by the song, "Crashed" by Daughtry)

"Then I crashed into you and I went up in flames, could've been the death of me, but then you breathed your breath in me. And I crashed into you like a runaway train, you will consume me, but I can't walk away."

His eyes bore into mine, lighting me on fire from the inside out. My breath came out in ragged bursts and try as I might, I couldn't look away. A slow, burning path slicked through my veins, causing me to flush outwardly.

My mind stopped processing my surroundings, choosing to focus in on him. My heart, beating at a pace so fast it felts as if it had stopped, kept a constant hum within my ears, and I couldn't believe he didn't hear it.

I yearned to reach out, to close this damnable distance. A powerful urge to give in to my emotions overtook my system, yet I still managed to stay still. A fear like nothing else coursed through my desires, holding me in my place.

How is it that I feel such a strong desire for him and he hasn't even touched me? He hasn't even given any way to how he was feeling. Yet his eyes shine with a desire that makes my blood boil.

I want him, but it's more than that, very much more. It's the "very much more" part that vexes me so.  I need him. I love him. But right now I wanted him, wanted him with a restless desire that threatened to take a hold of me, a hold that wouldn't let go. But I can't make that initial move; it must be he that takes those final, fateful steps. It has to be him.

And suddenly he's there, filling my vision. His breath caresses my lips, yet still he doesn't reach out. Out of fear, I stepped back... only to find my back coming in contact with the wall. He steps up and it's impossible for me to move away. Not that I want to move away.

His arms come up; a hand lies on each side of my head, bracketing me in. His eyes, dark green now, search my own for answers to questions I don't dare ponder. On a sigh, he finally... finally closes the last bit of distance; his lips touch mine.

A warm, tingling sensation begins where his lips move with mine, and travels throughout my body. His hands fall from the wall and wrap around my waist. My arms, taking on a mind of their own, reach up and wrap around his neck, bringing him even closer.

A hand, slowly, makes it way from my waist to my neck as he begins to deepen the kiss. A tongue grazes my lower lip before he nips at it lightly. On a gasp, my lips part to grant access. And suddenly, it's all heat. My head swarms with fervor never before felt.

I let out a whimper of loss when his lips lift from mine, but it quickly changes to a slight moan as he begins to kiss my neck. My head falls back, hitting the wall with a light thud, but all I felt was the searing heat that surrounded me.  With my hands still locked behind his neck I force his lips back to mine like a life line. I push my body to his, trying desperately to get closer, to fuse my body with his.

One hand still cradles my head, fingers lacing through my hair, while the other one slips under my shirt to smooth over the skin of my lower back, holding me impossibly closer.

And I want more.

My hands unlock from behind his head and slip to his shoulders, down his chest as they begin to unbutton his shirt. When his shirt is completely unbuttoned I slip my hands under his collar. My fingers trail a path from his shoulders, down his arms, slipping his shirt off in the process.

His hands skim the flesh of my waist softly as he begins to lift my shirt up. Our lips part on a gasp and I lift my arms up so he can slip the now offending garment off. Quicker than a second my bra followed suit.

 Skin touches skin, and suddenly we're both engulfed in a fiery heat. 

Fingers dance over exposed skin, and before long he has me pinned to the wall with his body. His lips leave mine once more to create a trail down my jaw, to my neck. I felt my legs give, and if not for his hands holding me up, I would have easily slipped towards the ground.

His hands stroke my sides, creating feverish trails. My hands glide down his back, touching as much skin as I could find, trying to remember every bit of detail. His hand cups my breast and I let out a moan.

The pace we move quickens, hands racing over heated flesh. I want more... neh, I need more. Without a word we both move towards the bedroom, stopping to touch, lips meeting. We nearly stumble through the door as we make our way to the bed.

My knees hit the edge of the bed, and I let myself fall fluidly onto it, with him not far behind. Jeans and underwear are discarded in a flash, and it's nothing but skin on skin, heat on heat.

Our lips connect again in a brutal kiss, patience and gentleness forgotten as we both got swept away by a fierce lust. He breaks the kiss, as we both take in a needed breath of air. His eyes gaze into mine, seeking and gaining permission.

"What's wrong, Lyn?" his voice was like velvet as he said my name. I couldn't face him, couldn't look him in the eye, so I turned my face away.

"I'm fine." What I meant was that I couldn't do this anymore, be his friend anymore.

I know he was watching me, watching me slowly fall apart. I'm not sure how this came to pass, after all we were the best of friends, it wasn't supposed to become this.

It began simply, or complicated (depending how you look at it). He had seen me barely holding back tears and had asked what was wrong. I don't know what posessed me to spill my broken heart out onto him, a guy I had only knew through various mutual friends, yet I did. I told him that my boyfriend of a year and a half just ended it... to be with another. I told him how I still spoke to him, but I was still in love with him as well... and it was just getting to me.

And Nicolai understood, I still don't know how he did, but he did. From that day on we were friends. We spent much time together, hanging out both together and with others. We went to shows, concerts, museums, and even random walks. We shared our past and our thoughts. He was my best friend. Still is.

Then, just a few months ago He entered my life again. Shawn, my ex that brought Nickolai and I together. Oh, don't take that the wrong way, Shawn and I still spoke often, but suddenly he was there. Literally. I had opened my door to find him there, that gorgous smile of his and a a single blood red rose.

Suddenly I was thrown into the fire. I still loved him, I still wanted him, so I jumped into the flames, was engulfed in their heat.

Nickolai drifted a part, he came around less, and I contacted him less. I spend more time with Shawn, but I felt something was off.

When I did spend time with Nickolai I wanted more... I can't explain it. I loved Shawn, didn't want anyone else, but there was a hole he couldn't fill.

Things shifted the day Nickolai had some random debate that became more, hidden words became obvious, and then there he was... up close and personal. I remember forcing myself to breath (in and out, in and out). We were barely centimeters a part, an intense feeling of restlessness washed over me, I wanted to close the distance, I wanted to feel. I wanted...

Him and I both stepped back, resuming our debate candidly... but I could sense the undercurrent of confusion on both ends.

I broke up with Shawn two weeks later.

I'm not sure when it happened, but I fell in love with Nickolai. While my love for Shawn was comforting, strong, unbending... this love for Nickolai was intense, enthralling, unbreakable.

So I was content with his friendship, I felt that I had to be. He never made a move, or spoke of that day. I figured this was another case of unrequited love.

But now, as I sit here avoiding his gaze, I realize I can't do this. I can't be just his friend anymore. And all I could do is cry.

So I did.

The seat beside me shifted, and suddenly my vision is filled with Nickolai as his hand lifts my chin so my eyes meet his. I know it's a tad funny, but through my unshed tears I couldn't help but see how beautiful the silver shade of his eyes were.

His thumb wipes away a stray tear, "Don't lie to me, what's wrong?"

I shake my head, but I don't look away. I can't. I can't look away, even if I wanted to. And I can't stop the actions I knew I was about to take.

It was all I could do.

Without a word I close the distance I wanted to close that day so long ago. I let out all the pent up emotion out in a single kiss, knowing it would be the last, yet hoping it wouldn't be. And then, suddenly, it changed.

I wasn't the only one letting loose some emotion. I was recieveing as much as I was giving. The world spun, twisted, swirled, zigzaged, then righted itself.

We pulled back. I kept my eyes shut, but I couldn't stop my smile.

Maybe, just maybe, it would work out this time.

Twitching restlessly, she forces herself to sit still long enough to fill the slightly yellowed page of her journal. Picking up her pen, she chews slightly at the cap. One sigh, and another twitch she begins the last letter.

Dear Anyone,

You don't know me. It isn't because you couldn't, it's because you refused to see. And if you're reading this, with those tears in your eyes I'm here to tell you to suck it up.

What's the use in crying over me? I'm nothing but a soul that never should have been here. I'm the inconvenience that was dealt with due to a youthful mistake and misplaced trust.

There's no use in mourning me, when I was never here to mourn. I may now (by the time this is read) be dead physically, but I died years ago. My soul died the minute He laid his dirtied hands upon my skin.

My emotions died the day He touched another, because I was to afraid to speak up. And it doesn't matter that I was only five and didn't know better, the point is that if I had said something I could have prevented it from repeating. It's all my fault, don't you see? It's all my fault that another innocent child must grow up before her time. It's my fault that another child must face the act of speaking up or staying quiet.

So, you see, no use mourning me. I'm better off dead.

With one last read through, she placed her pen atop the paper. Then, with only a sense of finality, she looped the other end of the rope from the ceiling fan in her room.

Downstairs a glass falls to the floor as another jumped in surprise at the sound of a chair crashing from above.

Walking away that day was so hard, so much I had wished to say to you. I could feel your eyes upon my back as I slowly made my way. Against my better judgement, I glanced back to look at you (one last time, or so I thought). When my eyes clashed with yours I saw such strong emotions emenating from you that I turned away with tears rolling down my face.

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm, so very sorry.' A mantera running through my mind as I hastily wiped away the tears before stepping into the class room.

One last glance in your direction (though I could not see you), and one last thought ('I love you'),  I turned away to begin this new life.